Margaret Walsh Blog

Redefining identity and purpose after retirement

Retirement can feel like the answer to one's dreams, an escape from the restrictions of a working life. The reality of this significant life change may not feel as liberating when you are in it! Retirement is not just a one-off event, associated with the last working day. There is a transition process that needs to be worked through to move from work mode to a new way of being in the world, which could last for several decades. Different responses to opportunities may be experienced in retirement depending on age, health and financial security.

Feelings about retiring are often complicated and are rarely given the attention they deserve. This can form a blind spot, both individually and collectively due to the complex and contradictory feelings. For some people, retirement is seen as a release from the constraints of work. It can be spoken about for years and contains a countdown. For others, there is concern, and a questioning of ‘who am I without my work?’ and ‘how will I live?’

It can feel easier to ignore the complexity of feelings, which are difficult to unpick and simply focus on the tangible, financial questions like, ‘do I have enough money to retire?’ From a monetary perspective, the financial planning industry offers lots of support to individuals considering retirement. Yet many individuals enter their retirement with little awareness of how they might spend their time and how it might feel to be retired. This article explores the impact of retirement on identity and the need for a continuing sense of purpose. It also contains practical suggestions on actions to be taken to ease the transition into retirement and create meaning in this key stage in life.

Impact of retirement on identity

Who we are is often aligned to the work that we do and this can be a key driver in creating a sense of self and generating feelings of worth. The opening question in many interactions is; ‘what do you do?’ When this work part of our identity is no longer present, it can cause uncertainty and discomfort which are hard to live with. Close relatives can also be impacted by the increased presence of a partner, who once was absent from the home. These feelings can be magnified when an individual retires from a career that offered a strong and sustaining professional identity and involved working with like-minded peers.

Stopping work, even when this is an active choice, can feel like a dismantling of one's old identity. The early months (or years) after retirement can be filled with desirable activities, like holidays and lots of social time. Yet, over time, there may be emptiness surrounding purpose and contribution to the wider world, until a new way of being is formed. This discomfort may be particularly true when retiring early, even with both the means and the vitality to use one’s skills, knowledge and time.

William Bridges wrote about change from the more psychological perspective of transitions and he identified the following three stages that can be applied to retirement:

Stage 1 - Endings, losing and letting go

Leaving work or one’s career is an ending and some common feelings are:

Fear

Denial

Anger

Loss.

This can be an unsettling stage and, for some people, there can be a disorientation as the anchor of work is removed. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and see the shift to retirement as a process, rather than a fixed date. Talking to a professional coach or counsellor about the impact of these feelings can be helpful to understand them more fully and to learn how to regulate them.

Stage 2 – The neutral stage

Transitioning to a fulfilling retirement includes working through an uncertain period where a new way of being in the world is under development. This stage can be thought of as a ‘bridge’ and contains experimentation, with the trying out of new ideas. Feelings of discomfort can arise with the lack of clarity, including questioning identity and your sense of purpose. Although these feelings may be hard to live with, they are important to understand to gain insights into aspects of self, like your core values.

Stage 3 – The new beginning

With a greater alignment to values and a stronger sense of purpose for the next phase in life, a new way of being can be created. For a smooth transition to living in retirement, it is good to think through how to consciously create a balanced life which is right for you. There may be several ‘new beginnings’ in retirement, as identity and purpose continue to evolve.

Retirement is associated with the ageing process and may lead to a growing awareness of the impermanence of life. Although, for some people, this might be a depressing thought, for others it fuels a sense of purpose to live life more fully. Acknowledging that life ends, ironically, can facilitate you living more fully. There are some fundamental questions around the choices you make and the values you live by, which give life more depth and meaning.

Creating a sense of purpose in retirement

A useful framework for considering purpose comes from Japanese philosophy and is called Ikigai (roughly translated to ‘reason for being’). It explores the following 4 key questions:

1. What do I love? May be aspirational and involves looking at where you attention most frequently leans.

2. What am I good at? Noticing what gives you energy and creates a sense of flow.

3. What does the world need? As a member of a wider society, you and others can benefit from solving problems or assisting others. There may be wisdom or energy within you which could benefit the world.

4. What will be rewarding for me? This may not necessarily be paid and can involve giving back to your community.

This framework of questions is shown above and it is the intersection of ideas where the ‘reason for being’ is identified and can then be developed further. This is deep, psychological work and it may be beneficial to work with a qualified coach/counsellor to surface the material that can form a plan or loose structure for how you live a life that feels good and satisfying for you.

Four ideas on how to prepare for this life change emotionally and with a renewed sense of purpose

1. Take time to connect to the changes within you and how you want to spend your time

The treadmill of work can mean that you lose yourself in the busyness of the structure of the working week, coming up to refuel only at weekends. With greater time available, there is more freedom to explore parts of your identity that have been dormant for a very long time. Pacing the transition into retirement and noticing what you feel are important actions for your sense of self. By slowing down, you can gain deeper insights. Experimentation is required so that all possible parts of your identity are considered and examined. Keeping a diary or journal will help to capture more of your inner thoughts and feelings and intensify self-awareness. This is a fruitful time and facilitates an openness to consider:

• How do you want to feel day to day?

• What would make your heart sing?

With greater thinking and reflection, there can be an improved connection between your inner world and what you do in the external world. Make time to follow your interests and explore the areas of life which need enriching. Seek inspiration daily (perhaps from the natural world), to live in more conscious and considered ways.

2. Give thought to how you want to live in retirement in balanced ways

Although you may not want to replace the timetable of the working day with a new structure, there are some advantages in having a flexible plan to life where you build in activities which are good for you. This might include:

• Setting a routine for exercise so that you keep your body and mind healthy.

• Spending time outdoors each day to enjoy fresh air, seeing other people and making connections. Getting out of the house for a walk improves cardiovascular health and muscular strength and promotes mental stimulation.

• Doing something creative each day e.g. visiting the theatre, museums, exhibitions, gardening, painting, knitting, singing or woodworking. Studies with adults in their 60s and older have suggested taking up novel challenges, such as learning a language or playing a musical instrument, can be beneficial for brain health.

• Building your learning muscles by staying in touch with changes in technology. Courses are often run for older people. For example, the University of the Third Age (U3A – www.u3a.org.uk) is targeted at older learners and can be accessed online and in person.

• Consider, is there still paid work that you want to do, perhaps on a part-time basis?

With a positive action plan, tailored for you, retirement can open a way of living which can be shaped in ways that feel right for you.

3. Give back

New routines, goals and activities associated with your work can increase your wellbeing by contributing to a sense of purpose. It may be that you can use your knowledge and skills from work to enhance the lives of others. Taking on roles like:

• Being a school reader

• Helping to maintain parks and footpaths

• Supporting vulnerable people.

• Gardening in public spaces.

These activities often have a positive impact on people going through a retirement transition or when in retirement. Enhancing the lives of others improves the sense of connection within the world and is a good antidote to feelings of loneliness.

4. Acknowledge the ageing process and the importance of living

Be watchful of the self-criticism that can emerge when encountering physical and psychological changes and be compassionate with yourself. We live in a youth-obsessed world and it is not easy to age with grace. There are many benefits to being older and the wisdom and insights that it brings. Live your one, precious life in ways that fulfil you and are supportive of the wider world. Starting a mindfulness or meditation practice can help you to notice more of your autopilot thinking and behaviours and focus on your unique strengths.

Conclusion

In the past, retirement often felt like slowing down and preparing for death! Things have changed now, as we live for longer and often in better health. All the energy that went into work can now be directed into other parts of life. Retirement creates a space in life and the exciting challenge is working out how to use it. Connecting to yourself, particularly through nature, enables a much deeper understanding of the process of change. Ending one’s career offers (for many) a freedom to choose what you want to do with your time, perhaps for the first time in life. Parts of you that you never knew existed can be discovered which can deepen happiness and feel transformational. In terms of life purpose, the most rewarding experiences are often when you do something for someone else, who needs it. There is a ripple effect in the world when this happens. Material things matter, although the quality of a live well-lived, ultimately, matters more.

About the Author

Margaret Walsh is Level 7 qualified Executive Coach (Member of the Association for Coaching), a qualified Psychotherapist (Registered Member of the British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy) and a qualified Coach/Counselling supervisor. She is also an approved Executive Coach with the College of Policing. Margaret has worked as a coach for over twenty years and has facilitated her many clients through change, with consistently excellent results and feedback. Working, at psychological depth, with clients in holistic ways is at the core of her working style. A specialism of Margaret’s is working with clients who are transitioning into retirement. Coaching packages and workshops are available which build on the content of this article in practical and supportive ways.

Margaret can be contacted by email at: margaretwalshcoach@gmail.com. She offers a free 30-minute consultation to discuss your coaching, training or supervision needs.